"Love Finds You, Not Because You Are Seeking It, But Because You Are Giving It"

 


"Love finds you, not because you are seeking it, but because you are giving it," writes Matshona Dhliwayo.  No truer words can have ever be spoken.  Our fear of being hurt, or of being rejected, or our fear of being inadequate in our beauty or our lovemaking can sometimes incapacitate us women from living freely and enjoying ourselves in a relationship.  These fears can be caused by our upbringing, the partner or partners that we choose, or by our own faulty vision of ourselves that we develop over time. 

My being married to Kenny, and our being together since my college years seemed like an ideal relationship.  We had a house, multiple cars, three kids, and a boat, but I never felt like I could be myself around him.  I had to be "an image" around him.  When he grew tired of that image, he felt the need to constantly move on.  He played an image too.  His image was that he was a master of the universe and could never admit to a mistake.  We never took time to really get to know each other.  I hid my insecurities and covered them up by living the good life.  He hid his insecurities with alcohol, drugs, and spending the money he made like he was printing it.

After my divorce I was lost.  Clearly I too had been a failure in my marriage.  I made my share of mistakes too.  Now as a divorced mother I felt like a stationary target for men seeking one night stands.  I did do some wild things and stupid things as I was finding my way.  But, the one thing that I did do for sure was that I whispered to the Heavens and the Universe that I was ready to truly fully give myself to a good man.  I was ready to live and behave differently, if I found a good man.  I didn't want to become a jaded and nasty old woman.  I knew that I had real love to share with a good man.

I asked for this man to come into my life.  That man did walk into my life when and where I least expected it.  That is the challenge we have everyday.  We have to be willing to change, grow, and break the mold, to get past our fears.  When doors in our lives close, there are other doors that truly open.  We have to be willing to enter that new door.

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