"Sex Is Not A Weapon"


 

"Stop using sex as a weapon.  You already know you're my obsession.  Stop using sex as a weapon.  Love is more than a one way reflection."  Pat Benatar

My marriage was over.  I was hanging onto it like a comfort blanket that I had completely grown out of.  We both had been using sex as a weapon to each other to reflect our own unhappiness.  We both had moments when we strayed.

Rather than be mature, shake hands - and put an end to the contract of our marriage, we ignored the deterioration, did our separate things until we barely knew each other.  If we decided to have sex, it was always used as a weapon for one of us to get something from the other.

The day we separated, I started going to counseling.  As time grew on, I grew up and owned up to realization where I fell very short in my marriage.  I realized my childhood issues that I carried inside me and into my marriage, needed to be resolved before I could move on.  My husband was not at fault for my personnel issues.  He was responsible for his own, for which he did not want to face.  That made the marriage unsalvageable.  No matter how wrong he may be, his ego is just never wrong.  The rest of the world is wrong.

We all have issues.  None of us were raised in perfect settings.  In fact, you could argue that the more "perfect" an upbringing can be, the more difficult of a time that person might go through when life eventually throws some real challenges at them.

I had to stop blaming him and take responsibility for my own huge personal faults that helped lead to the end of my marriage.  

Sex,  whether it is monogamous, or polygamous - is a gift.  It is a physical sharing of our bodies, time and spiritual essence.  The best sex - just like in the best relationships and friendships - is when we are with a partner wherein we can be free.  Free as in happy to be ourselves in front of that person.  We want that lover to turn us on and bring out the highest pleasures within ourselves.  

And most importantly - that person has a bit of class and trustworthiness to not treat us like shit immediately afterwards.

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