Maddie's Coffee Klatch

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

  "Love finds you, not because you are seeking it, but because you are giving it," writes Matshona Dhliwayo.  No truer words can have ever be spoken.  Our fear of being hurt, or of being rejected, or our fear of being inadequate in our beauty or our lovemaking can sometimes incapacitate us women from living freely and enjoying ourselves in a relationship.  These fears can be caused by our upbringing, the partner or partners that we choose, or by our own faulty vision of ourselves that we develop over time.  My being married to Kenny, and our being together since my college years seemed like an ideal relationship.  We had a house, multiple cars, three kids, and a boat, but I never felt like I could be myself around him.  I had to be "an image" around him.  When he grew tired of that image, he felt the need to constantly move on.  He played an image too.  His image was that he was a master of the universe and could never admit to a mistake...

  "Break her bed, not her heart" are very wonderful words to a very simple concept.  Us modern women may have become more independent than women from the last two generations.  And yes, we may be more complex and outspoken and even more aggressive when it comes to relationships.  Yet as tough, or as cold, or businesslike as some of us may portray ourselves, our inner secret is that we still want to be desired. We still want to be passionately loved, wanted, and controlled by safe hands.  We want to be taken to emotional places where we can just enjoy that physical and psychological place of desire and passion.  We want to please and be pleased.  We want it to soft, sensual, and sometimes challenging.  Sometimes we also want it hard and rough too.  Most of all, we want it to be emotionally and physically deep.  We want to feel connected inside.  So love us and we will love our lovers back just as deeply.

  We all carry scars in our life.  We carry scars from our upbringing.  We carry scares from our childhood relationships, as well as our adult relationships.  We carry scars from our intimate relationships.  We also carry the scars of our drive to successful lives and scars from the failures in our lives.  We women specialize in carrying scars from trying to remain attractive everyday.  And for those of us women who become mothers, we carry the scars of childhood.  All of our scars comes with some lesson of our humanity and the world around us.  We can look at our scars in one of two ways.  We can see them and cower or shrink from the lessons they've taught us.  Or we can stand tall and take ownership that we survived the scars that came with the lessons we've learned. I adore my life scars.  I've learned from the emotional scars from my failed marriage.  I embrace the stretch mark scars on my belly from my three children....

"It's been so long since I made love, I can't even remember who gets tied up." said the late Joan Rivers.  It was one of her best jokes to take a shot at one of the truer, deeper emotional admissions that some of us women have.  We're just afraid to talk about or admit to.  However, some of us women do sometimes like to be physically controlled and spanked.  It's all about the trust we have with our partner.  In addition, the physical pain heightens the pleasure we feel while also being sexually stimulated.  Both partners just need a healthy discussion beforehand of what is, and what's not allowed and perhaps a "safe" word.  Today, these consensual behaviors have to be tempered with the backdrop of recent social movements regarding women's (and men's) rights.  There have been incidents of us women experiencing non-consensual, sexual violence and/or sexual assault.  Ladies who are interested in exploring bondage, discipline, submission, an...

"I want to be the last voice you hear at night, and the first voice you hear in the morning" is a quote that has been attributed to Cate Blanchett.  Whether she said it or not, she is not the only woman who has ever felt this way when they felt strongly for their particular man.  When we women feel deeply for our lover's attention, trust, and sexual touch - we can become highly desirous to lock in his attention and try to make ourselves the only woman that he can think about.  It's intoxicating.  Especially when he is a great lover, or he bring us to emotional or psychological highs that most other men can't.  He actually triggers something in our brain on a biochemical level. When we fall in love like this, it's like being on a drug that's more powerful than even cocaine.  Scientifically it's called endorphins.  Socially it's called "in love".  As we get older, we are supposed to grow intellectually and become more aware of our emotional...